September 2011

Highs and Lows

September 30, 2011

Do you ever struggle with moments where you aren’t living in the present moment?

You’re looking excitedly to the future?

Or perhaps you’re fixating on the past?

Or maybe you’re just stuck in that place of feeling anxiety-ridden and not able to move out of it?

Yeah, I have those times, too.

And when I’m not actively in the present moment I find my life just passing me by. So, of course, I’m always looking for ways to be more present – easy ways to be present, really. In all honesty I probably won’t even remember some elaborate ritual to be more present, I just want something fun and simple – and I’ve finally found something that fits the bill.

For the past several weeks I’ve been taking a class to become a doula. When I started it never crossed my mind that this would somehow make me more present and aware, but it has.

And it’s because of the simple way we start each class. We take turns sharing our low and high points from the previous week. Not only does this lead to a group of women who feel connected, but it’s a great way to be aware. Since I know to expect this question I spend the whole week evaluating moments of my life. “Yuck I’m in an anxiety-funk right now -this is my low for the week” or “Wow, that was awesome! It’s definitely my high for the week.” Do you see how these little thoughts can really keep you present?

The best part is that anyone can start using this. You and your partner could discuss your highs and lows from the day every night at dinner. Or you could make a weekly coffee date with a friend and start with highs and lows. Or you could start your book club off with everyone sharing their highs and lows. Or when you talk to your best friend on the phone you could always ask highs and lows first.

Not only will this practice make each of you more present throughout the week, but it’s a great jumping off point for a conversation. Suddenly you know more about what the other person enjoys and experiences as high points and when lows are shared you can offer your support, without having to feel around for any troubles in the person’s life. I guarantee you’ll feel more connected to each other and it will feel great to not be alone in both your triumphs and your difficulties.

One last key to this practice is consistency. Come up with a set person/date/time to discuss and consistently start out with highs and lows. Knowing that you’ll need to answer this question is what makes you presently aware during the week.

Here’s the bullet-point recap:

Sharing highs and lows will make you feel more aware in the moment, connected to other people, and understood
Make it a habit to share highs and lows at the beginning of conversations with your partner, friend or children
Consistency, consistency, consistency – in order to be really present during the week you need to expect to discuss your highs and lows with a certain person at a set time

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You totally rock! I really appreciate you taking the time to read this and I hope you have a fantastic day.

Photo by familymwr.

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You Are Not Alone: Five Powerhouse Ladies Tell the Truth About Anxiety

September 14, 2011

Sometimes when anxiety is rearing it’s nasty head I just want to curl up in the fetal position and hide from the world. I feel restless for no apparent reason and keep putting things off because I just can’t focus, which often just compounds my worried feelings.

For a long time I thought I was the only one that ever felt like this. I thought I was a freak that for some reason couldn’t manage life – even a really great life – like everyone else seemed able to do. I thought I was alone. Maybe you’ve felt like that before. Maybe you feel like that right now.

Well, get ready to feel like a normal woman who belongs to a successful, yet sometimes anxiety-battling tribe. I’ve rounded up five amazing, unique, talented women to share with you how it feels when anxiety is knocking on their doors AND best of all they share some tips for dealing with anxiety.

How does anxiety manifest in you (feelings, sensations, physical responses, behavior changes)?

Jenny Bones: While I have been able to overcome the debilitating depression brought on by early-childhood trauma, I’ve never been able to fully be rid of my anxiety symptoms. It ranges from just feeling tense/nervous to feeling like I’m having a heart attack. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being told by an emergency room nurse that you’re not dying…you just need a Valium. Oy!

Tara Wagner: For me it’s that tightening in my chest or that “restless” shiver that runs through me leaving me just wanting to throw it all away from me. It might feel like weariness or even distraction, when I just can’t handle it all anymore. Usually it’s just that chaotic flurry of thoughts in my head that make me want to pull my hair out.

Ash Ambirge: Anxiety is a mother. I typically get anxious when I feel like I’ve got too many balls in the air, and I can’t keep up with them all. And unfortunately, my body’s coping mechanisms seem to be to just shut down, as in, my brain gets foggy, I can’t concentrate, and I procrastinate the hell out of everything, which only further exasperates the problem. It’s incredibly demotivating, and frankly, I don’t have the patience for it.

Melissa Gorzelanczyk: Anxiety feels like I’m losing control. I feel I’m not getting enough air and taking deep breaths does nothing to change that. It makes simple requests or problems seem bigger and more irritating. If it happens at night, it’s hard to fall asleep. My mind seems like it’s racing with everything I need to do.

Tammy Strobel: For a longtime my anxiety manifested itself in a very unhealthy way. I spent about 10 years battling an eating disorder. And there were all kinds of physical aliments and emotional ups and downs associated with the disorder.

For the full backstory you can read this post: Empowerment is Not for Sale

What strategies do you use to move past anxiety when it arises?

Jenny Bones: When I eat right, drink less coffee, take in plenty of water and get outside I experience far less anxiety. Daily meditation is absolutely critical. I have a quick-and-easy breathing meditation I use if I’m out and begin to experience symptoms. I take slow deep breaths in, then release them slowly while silently chanting a personal mantra. This tends to anchor me back into the present moment and allows my lizard brain to slow down the “fight or flight” response that’s actually causing the anxiety.

Anxiety can be a self-feeding cascade. When we feel it coming on, we get tense and the symptoms get worse. I find it’s useful to always remind myself that these feelings are simply caused by a biochemical reaction and that I can literally just breath through it until the symptoms subside.

Tara Wagner: The practical do-this strategies depends on what the trigger is, but my first step is always back. As I take a step back I remind myself that everything I experience first starts within myself. So I DIG IN to that to understand it deeper and really heal it. When I am feeling calm, clear and reconnected I can see my next step forward…maybe re-prioritizing, filling my own cup or taking a break.

Ash Ambirge: Unfortunately, this is still not my strong suit – I’ve been experimenting with new things, but mostly, I’ve found the most success with cutting myself some slack, and realizing that I am *not* superwoman, and it’s *okay* if I can’t get everything done in one day. Once I give myself that reality check, and remind myself that nothing is life or death, it allows me to focus on one task at hand, and stick with that – rather than freaking out in my head about everything that needs to get done…and then not getting anything done as a result.

Melissa Gorzelanczyk: First of all, I recognize what’s happening. In the past, I tried to ignore what I was feeling, since no one wants to be out of control. Next, pinpoint triggers so you know why this is happening. For me, I realized my life was too busy. I needed to slow down and one way I’ve done that is by getting out of debt so I can work from home. If you have anxiety, find ways to simplify your life and schedule. Exercise is another awesome way to get back on track. A simple walk or run by myself can change the whole day. If I’m having trouble sleeping, meditating for five or more minutes really helps.

Tammy Strobel: I’m healthy now and have learned to manage my anxiety by:

- Meditating
- Practicing Yoga
- Writing

Finally, if your anxiety is getting to the point where you can’t function seek help. There is no shame in seeking counseling for a problem.

Woo! Don’t you feel so much better already? Not only is it a relief to realize other women have similar concerns and worries, but now you have a whole new arsenal of techniques for getting rid of anxiety the next time it shows up on the doorstep.

I want to reiterate, though, what Tammy said and encourage anyone suffering from any sort of debilitating anxiety or depression to seek professional help – there is seriously no shame in that.

I also want to thank these women for having the courage and kindness to be honest about an often overlooked topic. When we share our true experiences we find a community, a safety-net, and a box full of useful tools.

Please help expand the community and safety-net by sharing this post. Thanks!

Photo by sportpictures.

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Do You Suffer From These False Beliefs?

September 7, 2011

Like I said before, there are four barriers or false beliefs that often leave people stuck – unable to find their joy, unable to move forward, unable to live up to their full potential.

As is explained in The Big Leap these false beliefs hold your upper limit problem in place and cause you to have misunderstandings about who you actually are. Once these barriers are removed, you’ll be free to move forward and invent the life you want.

As you read the following four false beliefs try to evaluate yourself and see if any of these are holding you back.

Feeling Fundamentally Flawed – The book explains this as having “a deep, old feeling that there’s something wrong, bad, or flawed about you.” Perhaps you don’t consciously think this all the time, but you may find yourself struggling with this when you get a promotion or love someone, because ultimately you don’t believe someone so deeply flawed deserves something so great. Even more importantly, this fear brings with it a related fear. “It’s the fear that if you did make a full commitment to living in your Zone of Genius, you might fail. It’s the belief that even your genius is flawed, and that if you expressed it in a big way, it wouldn’t be good enough. This belief tells you to play it safe and stay small.”

Disloyalty and Abandonment – This barrier has to do with expectations and rules. The book proposes two questions to help you decide if you suffer from this false belief:

Did I break the family’s spoken or unspoken rules to get where I am?
Even though I am successful, did I fail to meet the expectations my parents had of me?

If this barrier is in your way you may find yourself sabotaging your own success, giving into the familial pressures or feeling bad from the guilt of following your own path.

Believing that More Success Brings a Bigger Burden – If you don’t have an environment of unconditional love and support, you may feel like a burden. It goes to reason that as you become successful those unsupportive of you in the past, will be particularly put off as you continually gain momentum.

The Crime of Outshining – I imagine this barrier is extremely prevalent among Americans and gets its start in childhood. Children are praised for excelling, but also given the message that they mustn’t shine too much, or else others my feel bad. As this message is given over and over to children (particularly extremely talented children) they will eventually learn to either “turn down the volume on their genius” or “turn down their volume on the enjoyment of it.” Are these feelings of holding back or dampening your joy, still with you as an adult?

While you can’t expect to immediately get past these barriers, identifying them is the first step. Now that you know what false beliefs have been misguiding who you are, you can start making changes. When you catch yourself holding back or staying away from your genius, pause and take a moment to evaluate which barrier is getting in your way. As you continue to name and identify these barriers, you’ll chip away at their foundation until they no longer hold you back.

Photo by Jamelah.

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